They Are All “Our” Children

By Joleigh Little, Director
Wisconsin Teens for Life and Regional Coordinator,
Wisconsin RTL

“I have to give you a lot of credit for what you’re doing,” said a well-intentioned acquaintance, while tilting her head toward the dark-haired toddler cavorting next to me. I smiled and said, “What, parenting? Pretty much everyone’s doing it these days,” and smiled. She went on to explain that she meant parenting a child not my own by birth and on my own as a single mom.

I get that a lot. There is amazement. There is praise. There is support–lots of support. And every once in a while when I gently deflect, there is an explanation of why what I’m doing is allegedly so incredible. “But you’re doing it for someone else’s child.”

And that’s where I get a little wild in the eyes. I’m not parenting “someone else’s child.” I am parenting my child. My beautiful, funny, smart, opinionated (just like her mama) amazing child who happened to start her life approximately 5,000 miles away from my body rather than inside it. Aside from that one little quirk of geography and the extended time frame, not much varies between my path to parenthood and anyone else’s.

I still melt with love when I look at her sleeping. My heart soars every time her little voice says, “Loves you, Mommy,” or she learns to do some new task. And I still have days where I am ready to pull my hair out and give her to the nearest band of roving Gypsies that passes my front door (thank God that doesn’t happen often in Wisconsin).

I think Clara is remarkable and amazing because I’m “that” Mom–totally biased. But the truth is that there are literally millions more children out there who are just like she was a year ago–placed by birth families, cared for in institutional settings, and waiting every day, hoping that someone will come for them.

But here’s the rub. Here’s where pro-lifers come in. These kids aren’t all “someone else’s children.” They are certainly not “unwanted.” Their lives, regardless of what special need they might have, are precious, and beyond value.

Lana is three. She lives not far from where my daughter spent her first few years of life. She has mild cerebral palsy and needs surgery that cannot be done successfully in her country. That operation would allow her to walk independently. She needs a family who can bring her home, help her thrive, and get her the quality medical treatment she deserves. Without a family, her future is uncertain, just as it is for every other orphan with special needs in the world. At some point within the next few years, she will very likely be sent to an adult mental institution–not because she suffers from any kind of mental illness, but because children with disabilities are not valued where she lives.

Maybe you can look at her and think, “That’s sad, but it’s not my problem.” Well, Lana definitely isn’t a “problem.” She’s a person. She’s a little girl who laughs easily, is intellectually well-developed, and is generally very sunny, happy, and a joy to be around. She has hopes and dreams just like we all do. Lana just needs a family to make her their own–to move heaven and earth to bring her home.

Again, this is where we come in! By their very DNA, pro-lifers don’t look at people and see their labels—their special needs, their limitations, their ”differences.” We look at people and see their value, their infinite worth, their individuality, and, most importantly, we see each and every child as a blessing in ways you would never have anticipated.

Certainly adoption is a gift to a child who would otherwise grow up never truly belonging to anyone, but it is an even greater blessing to the parents who choose to welcome into their hearts and homes a child they did not make themselves. Adoption is among the very best opportunities available to illustrate what we believe as pro-life people.

Adoption is hard. Mostly because being a parent is hard. It involves paperwork, fundraising, travel, and waiting, but all of that fades into the background when your child is home.

Estimates say that throughout the world, around 147 million children wait for parents. Give the gift of a lifetime. Give a child your heart. Give a child your home. Give a child your name. Start looking at children with special needs–at all children who don’t have anyone else looking out for them–as yours. It will rock your world. It will change your life. It will be the greatest gift you can receive.

Trust me, I know.

I am like every other parent. I am blessed–exhausted sometimes, sure, but more settled and overall content than I have ever been in my life. I have never struggled for lack of self esteem, but I cannot shake this feeling that I didn’t truly “find” myself until I found Clara. She is a mirror held up to my failings as well as my successes.

She daily helps me to be a better person. She is a light, a joy, and she gives me hope in a world that sometimes seems to be lacking direction. Three years ago she was “someone else’s child” or, worse yet, “nobody’s child” but today, as she naps a few feet away from where I type, she absolutely 100% mine.