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NRL News
Reclaiming Fatherhood: Underneath his name on his business card, Houston-based attorney Chris Aubert has printed “Father of …” and lists his five children. His business card is a poignant reminder of the dramatic changes that have taken place in his life from the time Aubert was in his 20s and “happily agreed” to his girlfriend’s abortion, opting to play a softball game while she aborted their child. Aubert was one of several men who told their powerful stories during the “Reclaiming Fatherhood” conference at the Roman Catholic Cathedral of St. Mary in San Francisco, November 28–29. Organized by the National Office for Post-Abortion Reconciliation and Healing (NOPARH) and sponsored by the Knights of Columbus and the Archdiocese of San Francisco, it was the first international event ever held on the topic of men and abortion. The 170 participants came from 28 states and nine countries to hear about an issue that has been “sorely neglected from the beginning of the abortion debate,” said NOPARH executive director Victoria Thorn in opening remarks at what she called “a politically incorrect conference.” Professional counselors and clergy gathered to start a discussion about how best to address the pain, loss, guilt, and considerable anger of untold numbers of men as a result of abortion. Aubert said he began with beliefs about abortion that were casual at best. “I was ignorant of the fact that I was ignorant,” he said. Six years later came another woman, another abortion. Then he got married in 1994, his wife became pregnant, and everything changed after he saw his baby through an ultrasound. “The logic of when life begins [at conception] threw me into the pro-life world,” said Aubert, who speaks regularly to groups of men “to change hearts on this.” Other men talked about having no legal voice, and about spiraling down emotionally after abortions that took place against their will. Each indicated their desire to take action, a common response to grief in men, according to speaker and writer Tom Golden in his address, “The Masculine Side of Healing.” “Men have been shamed for decades for not talking about their emotions,” Golden said, when what they need is “a task to do that creates a safe place for them to talk and express their feelings.” It may be starting a movement to help future generations, or, in sports, playing a season in honor of a loved one. Working “shoulder to shoulder” toward the same goal creates a safe place for men to work through their loss, he said. Dr. Vincent Rue, director of the Institute for Pregnancy Loss in Jacksonville, Florida, who in 1981 provided the first clinical evidence of post-abortion trauma, noted some of the limited but growing research on men and abortion that indicates many men are in need of healing. One study of such men showed 43 percent saying the abortion was against their wishes. Furthermore, 41 percent of men fit criteria for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). “I can say with 100 percent certainty that with an induced abortion, the psychologically fragile person is worsened,” Dr. Rue said. Furthermore, very few men get counseling, even though they express a need for it, he said. Marriage and family therapist Greg Hasek made the connection between sexual addiction and abortion. In 2001 he began specializing in treating sexual addiction. He said he asked himself, if men do hurt from abortions, where are they? “And God said, ‘They’re right there in front of you.’ Guys who won’t even ask for driving directions aren’t going to come to say they need help because of an abortion.” Hasek added, “God has given me the opportunity to see into the window of men’s souls, men in crisis whose wives have said, ‘If you don’t get help, I’m out of here.’” When a man shares his testimony of being hurt by abortion, it “validates the woman’s pain,” Hasek said. The conference concluded with an address by Dr. Cathy Coyle, a registered nurse and researcher in Madison, Wisconsin. Dr. Coyle provided guidelines for forgiveness therapy—helping to forgive self and others. Attorney Aubert summarized the conference as “a great first step” that he and others look forward to seeing repeated in other parts of the country. “It was kind of like the first inning,” he said. “It may have been a lot of talking to the converted, but before we take this to the great masses, we have to get our own house in order.” For more information, contact menandabortion@yahoo.com. John E. Schuessler is a writer and editor who resides in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. |