Quiet Service and a Life of Difference

By Laura Antkowiak

In this issue honoring the Movement's cadre of wonderful grassroots activists, we would be seriously amiss if we overlooked the countless volunteers and professionals who in addition to all they do to help NRLC chapters also quietly serve mothers and their children at pregnancy centers, maternity homes, and adoption agencies. Given the three to four thousand such organizations around the country, one likely serves women and saves lives within your own community, perhaps with the support of people you know.

It is easy to take for granted the work that center staff and volunteers do. We in the pro-life movement have all been unfairly accused of doing nothing to help women through the problems that drive them toward abortion. Many of us individually help women and corporately as members of chapters which collect and donate baby clothes for crisis pregnancy centers. But until I spoke with pregnancy center staff and volunteered for one myself, I did not appreciate just how challenging pregnancy center work is for those who do it and how vitally important this much-unheralded contribution is to the future of the pro-life movement.

In the October 16, 1995, issue of The New Republic, feminist Naomi Wolf voiced a disturbing position: "Abortion should be legal; it is sometimes even necessary. Sometimes the mother must be able to decide that the fetus, in its full humanity, must die."

But pregnancy center staff and volunteers are on the front lines of showing the nation how mothers' complex problems can be solved without abortion.
The answer is practical as well as cultural, and will differ with every mother. It begins with the distinguishing feature of pregnancy centers: counselors' compassionate and nonjudgmental focus on the woman.

In its volunteer training manual, one organization encourages counselors at its affiliated centers to use what it calls the " LOVE Approach." A visit with a client must begin with listening and learning.

The manual instructs, "Focus on her and her situation, give her your total attention, ask good questions to draw her out, develop trust, and begin a relationship without jumping in to give her advice or solve her problem! . . . Only after fully getting to know the client and her situation should the helper begin to help the client examine options in a factual, loving, and caring way."

This was the first lesson I was taught when, as a college student, I volunteered for such a woman-helping organization located in South Bend, Indiana. There I got to know people who are pro-life to their very core.

I have met few people who are so genuine, so loving, and yet so professional and respectful in their service. They welcome women of all ages, races, nationalities, and circumstances who have had abortions, who are considering abortion, or who would never dream of having an abortion but just need some support.

Some clients might appear to have different lifestyles or priorities from the typical pro-lifer. Some might arrive burdened by an overwhelming set of problems, including drug abuse, domestic violence, homelessness, and depression. Staff at the center value them all, and are eager to hear their stories.

Some days around the office are quiet, and some bring the rewards of a client's grateful letter, a surprise donation, or an abortion-minded mother who chooses life. Other days are marked by an emotional strain that hopefully many of us are fortunate enough to avoid in our daily lives.

In my role at the front desk, I witnessed and sometimes shared in the emotions of clients and those who accompanied them. But the stress of that role was nothing compared to what counselors must sometimes feel when they talk with women making a life-and-death decision.

One day I experienced this when I was needed to translate for a Spanish-speaking client. The young woman had a sad story to tell about her pregnancy. We offered her what we could, but she left, still intending to schedule an abortion.

When she left, we promised her that we would be there for her if she changed her mind, or if she needed anyone to talk to after her abortion. The best we could hope for is that we had planted a seed in her heart about the help that was available to her, and that, unbeknownst to us, she might change her mind.
It was so hard to see her walk out the door, and the experience weighed on me.

This immeasurably increased my respect for the individuals all around the country who have the inner strength and the love for others to confront the prospect of abortion every day of their lives. More than that, these incredible people show the humility and the grace to confront abortion in a way that is loving, realistic, and completely nonjudgmental toward the woman who considers such an act.

Thanks to pregnancy center staff, volunteers, and the donors that support them, we are raising a generation of children who are especially grateful to have been born, and mothers who especially appreciate their choice of life. We can look forward to when these generations share their stories, because the pro-life movement will never be the same.