Ministering to The Post-Aborted Woman

The Shepherd's Call: To Show the Way Home

By Rev. Michael T. Mannion, STL, MA

So much has been written, so much has been said about the pain of women and men who have experienced the tragedy of abortion. Some react with anger, others with denial; some with tears, others with a cry for help and compassion. Regardless, post- abortive men and women are in need of--and deserve--a shepherd, a friend reaching out to another, made in the image and likeness of God in a time of great loneliness, fear, confusion.

Abortion is a disconnecting experience. It causes its victims to lose touch with themselves, others, and their God. It causes the death of a child. In other words, abortion robs its captives of a safe place and space of peace and comfort. In a sense, it leaves us homeless.

This can make the shepherd, who is priest, minister, rabbi, deacon, or faith leader in a worshiping community, feel inadequate and even a bit overwhelmed. In their own humanity, the shepherds may sense and feel the pain and loss of those entrusted to their care, but may not be quite sure how to respond.Perhaps the best response is initiated not when I try to ascertain what I can and should do, but how I can best be open to be a vehicle and instrument of God's healing plan for this person's life. In the words of Mother Teresa, how I can be a " pencil in God's hand." How can I help the person in pain before me feel safe; to know that this place may become a place of healing?

As clergy we are expected to be highly efficient and very effective, to function well and to carry out our ministerial responsibilities with skill. It's almost a power people expect us to have, yet experience teaches us that it's all too often easier to "do something for you" than "to be" there with you. And that in our world, power--secular or spiritual--can be a substitute for intimacy and the acceptance, love, and mercy of God that should come to you through me.

Our religious traditions teach us that some of our greatest saints were once the greatest sinners. What started them on the road back home to themselves and to their God? It may well have been one person--a shepherd--who momentarily left the 99 and looked at them with the eyes of God, the love of God, and the healing invitation of God. In word and gesture the message was clear from the one person or shepherd: "It's safe to come home.

"It's safe to tell me about your life's journey, your story. I want to know what's happened to you along the way: who you've met, what you've experienced, what you've felt. What led you to the abortion? I will seek to see you with God's eyes, to hear you with God's ear, to speak God's words to you. I know this may be difficult and even painful. But I know too, that the place of the wound is the place of healing.

"As you talk about the abortion, God wants to come in and begin to heal you of the abortion. In the telling of your story you will teach me how to help you. In the sharing of your life, by the grace of God, not only will you be changed forever, but I will be, too.

"For as one spiritual writer said, grace is looking at God as he looks back at us with a love that understands and forgives. Hopefully, we all know the feeling of what it's like to have someone look at us with eyes of love.

"Your story will remind me that throughout our lives, we all abort God's will in one way or another. We all say no to the life he wishes to give us. Your courage in trusting me with the pains and struggle of the story of your abortion will humbly help me to gain the courage to face the failures and brokennesses of my own life."

I have a simple suggestion to people who may be a bit frustrated (sometimes, justifiably so) with the level of pro-life involvement of their clergy. Start not with descriptions of needed legislative initiatives, political strategies, or even educational programs.

Tell your minister, priest, or rabbi your story. Tell him or her why you are pro-life. Not just philosophically but personally. What is the story inside you that has led you to believe in the sanctity of human life as you do?

Someone once said, "Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous." In your embrace of life, has the presence of an " anonymous God" become more obvious? Share your God with your shepherd.

Throughout the past two and a half decades my pro-life travels have taken me to many states and several countries. I've had the opportunity to meet thousands of clergy of all faiths. Many have had days of disappointments and experiences that brought them close to despair. In more instances than I can count they chose to remain in the ministry and even became renewed because of the post-abortive men and women they encountered. As they reached out to them they were healed. As they cared for others, God spoke to them about his care for them.

In our sophisticated culture where our clergy are often critiqued on their administrative ability or financial acumen, seek to see your own as a shepherd. Pray that our clergy may have shepherds' hearts. Then they--and we--will all be enriched as children of God, and our children will always know the way home.