WHO WE ARE: Responding in Love
By Olivia Gans
Director, American Victims of Abortion
The emergence of the post-abortion presence in America
In many people's
minds the presence of women in the pro-life movement who have had abortions
and now regret them seems natural. It is in fact a relatively new phenomenon.
The story of our involvement began with a little-known event that took place
over 15 years ago in a hotel in New Jersey at the 1982 NRLC Convention.
It changed the course of my life and I believe hundreds of thousands of
other women.
I had attended the convention that year along with hundreds of others just
curious to see what was going on. I did, however, have a secret concern.
I wanted to hear what if anything was being said about women who, like myself,
had had an abortion. I had not yet told anyone, not even my parents, about
my own experience.
To my great delight 1982 marked the year of Dr. Vincent Rue's first speaking
appearance at an NRLC convention. The importance of that lecture on the
psychological effects of abortion can not be overstated. Dr. Rue was among
the very first to identify the symptoms of a condition which continues to
affect the lives of thousands of women around the world.
At the conclusion of his workshop Dr. Rue was surrounded by enthusiastic
questioners. As the crowd thinned, three other women and I remained. We
eagerly quizzed him about his theories as they fit with our own stories.
I realized that I had found what I was looking for: confirmation that I
was not alone and the assurance that someone seemed to understand what I
was feeling.
Later that evening, sitting with those same women in another part of the
hotel, the first informal post-abortion support group was formed. For hours
we shared the depths of our hearts and memories surrounding our children's
lives and deaths by abortion. The honesty of the conversation, "Did
this happen to you too?," "Have you had the same nightmares?,"
or, "Are you afraid of that as well?" and the commonality of the
answers to each question echoed in post-abortion healing programs throughout
the world today.
Out of that impromptu meeting came the fragile first steps to form what
became the first national post-abortion support group, Women Exploited By
Abortion (WEBA). We knew that we were not the only women who'd bought the
lies of pro-abortionists. We desperately wanted to help create a safe place
for any woman to speak freely about her own pain and find healing and peace.
Equally important to us was the need to tear away the screen of lies that
were spread by every pro-abortion slogan. We had lived through the truth
behind the slogans and we had stories that needed to be told.
Back at that time few people in the pro-life movement had ever had any intimate
contact with women who'd had an abortion. Certainly a few knew of family
members who may have had one. Some crisis pregnancy center directors had
met women who'd already had one, but as a rule few if any women who'd had
abortions were active in the pro-life movement. We were simply lost in a
limbo of our own denial and painful secrets.
What continues to strike me all these years after that fateful convention
was the compassionate response which we met with from the mainstream pro-life
movement. There was a general understanding that women who'd had abortions
had survived something devastating. While nobody actually knew just how
far-reaching the damage was from an abortion they did know that harm had
been done.
Most importantly, pro-lifers understood how deeply women were lied to by
abortionists. They realized that the mothers of the unborn children killed
by abortion were themselves the second victims of abortion.
Admittedly in the early days of our involvement women speaking negatively
in public about their abortions were a bit of a curiosity to many on both
sides. Certainly no one in the pro-abortion camp ever thought the mothers
would find their voices. Looking back I can remember the times I agreed
to debate a pro-abortion leader who literally had no comment when I disclosed
that I myself had been there and done that. Those days are gone now as the
pro-abortion movement has found new ways to disregard and degrade our experiences.
They prove that they never did and continue now to have no real concern
for the lives and well being of the women who have faced difficult pregnancies
or had abortions.
By 1985 the word-of-mouth effort of that original group combined with the
opportunities and support of the established pro-life movement had helped
to generate a flush of interest in the aftermath of abortion. It was time
to establish the post-abortion voice in the mainstream of the pro-life movement.
The opportunity to make our life stories available in a powerful and effective
manner was critical. We ourselves knew that it would be tough to argue with
experience, but we had to find a platform. From our perspective the logical
base to work from was the strength of NRLC's well-organized network. What
followed was the formation of the unique outreach program called American
Victims of Abortion.
Our goals have been simple from the start. We have attempted to provide
the states, the media, governmental bodies, and academia with the most articulate
and responsible educational speakers who can honestly address the tragedy
of abortion. It is always our hope that whenever one of us speaks out someone
else, who may need to find the same caring help, will be encouraged to do
so.
Regularly over the years aborted women have worked side by side with grassroots
pro-lifers to see protective legislation passed. They have provided the
vital evidence to support the critical need for parental involvement laws
and women's right to know laws. Each step brings us closer to the passage
of the most protective laws possible that will respect the dignity of both
the mother and her unborn child.
The post-abortion arm of the pro-life movement was absolutely created by
women for women who learned too late what was really at stake in their "choice."
When nobody else could hear us crying in the night we found each other and
built places of sanctuary in which to heal. Now, as more and more is learned
about the aftereffects of abortion, we can reach out to the other family
members hurt by abortion, including the fathers, grandparents, and siblings.
What began in 1982 as the passionate call of a handful of courageous women
to tell the whole truth behind the slogans has grown and developed into
one of the most important aspects of pro-life activity. There are now organized
post- abortion healing programs in all 50 states. Every crisis pregnancy
center in America is looking at training staff people to address this issue
because there has been so many repeat abortions. Churches have begun to
respond to the reality that in every congregation there are people who have
been touched personally by abortion and that spiritual healing is necessary.
Despite the glaring reluctance of the mainstream mental health groups to
acknowledge the existence of post-abortion syndrome/ trauma, growing numbers
of professionals in the mental health field are discussing the numbers of
cases that they see in practice. All of this points to the deep need in
our country to heal this national wound.
Looking for ways to discredit our statements, pro-abortion forces have often
claimed that we were all manipulated puppets of the pro-life movement. It
was regularly asserted that we felt as we did because pro-life attitudes
made us feel guilty about our decision. Nothing could be further from the
truth. After working in this area for over 16 years I can truly say that
I've never spoken with any woman who honestly believes that anyone or anything
other than her own heart and head has brought her to regret her abortion
decision. When we lie awake alone at night with our own memories we know
the awful truth of what we have done.
Over these past 17 years since my own precious child lost her life because
of my foolish decision I have had extraordinary opportunities to spread
the word within the USA and abroad. Still, even as I, and the many other
brave women and men I proudly call companion, dedicate ourselves to telling
our children's stories in order to save lives, we know where our gratitude
belongs. It is thanks to the steadfast efforts of the pro-life community
that maintains the valiant struggle to return protection to the little ones
that we found a way to heal our hurt. We, their mothers and fathers, were
never rejected by the true pro-life heart. When we could not or would not
remember our precious children it was the movement that continued to hold
aloft a candle in memoriam until we began to find our voice.
Every abortion is a death in the family. Twenty-five years after Roe
v. Wade we have only begun to feel the pain of 35 million deaths. How
much longer will it have to be before our nation confronts the truth, accepts
our common responsibility, and grieves for our dead? As every mother of
an aborted child knows, there can be no peace until we remember and embrace
them, even if it can only be in our hearts.