"Trauma and Abortion: When Men Hollow"

Like millions of other people, my wife and I have been glued to the set, watching Ken Burns' spell-binding seven-part series, "The War." The individual programs are rerun immediately afterwards, and some of the scenes are so powerful we've taken to remaining in our chairs to watch at least parts of the program a second time.

One comment, in particular, just broke my heart: How this young man's death reverberated throughout the family, not just in the immediate aftermath of his death, but for decades to come. The passing of this one individual was nearly cataclysmic. More than a half-million American men lost their lives in World War II, so this story must have been true countless times over.

I firmly believe that this circle of pain--the ripple effect of a death of a family member-- is a reality that applies equally well to abortion. The dread and fear that arises in the hearts of pro-abortionists when they learn that more and more post-abortive men are speaking out ought to be a clear signal to us that they (however reluctantly) see this as well.  

They diss and dismiss these men who are pouring out their souls. But wiser heads know better. Listening to people such as veteran pro-abortion scribe Eleanor Bader you quickly grasp that they are palpably afraid that adding another voice to the debate will demonstrably change the calculus. (See www.nrlc.org/News_and_Views/September07/nv091907.html)

Why? Not because they have a particle of sympathy. Not because they think these men's trauma and despair is genuine --or, even if it is, ought to change anything. And certainly not because they doubt the truth of the reigning pro-abortion orthodoxies for even a nanosecond.

Rather it's because, for all their foolish bluster and amazing insensitivity, in their hearts they recognize the banality of saying the abortion decision is one that is made "between a woman and her doctor and her god." While harboring no doubts about who is the exclusive decision-maker, beneath the bravura even they sense the familial reverberations.

The impact of an abortion is like a stone thrown into the water. Its brutality sends out ripples of pain and hurt and devastation in all directions.

An important contribution to the emergence of how men grapple with their involvement in abortion (or fail to) will be "Reclaiming Fatherhood: a Multifaceted Examination of Men Dealing With Abortion," a conference that takes place November 28 and 29 at St. Mary's Cathedral in San Francisco. The two-day conference is organized by the National Office of Post-Abortion Reconciliation & Healing and sponsored by the Knights of Columbus, Archdiocese of San Francisco.

The list of speakers and topics is a veritable "Who's Who" and "What's What" of the whole area of men and abortion. (You can find full details and download a registration form at www.menandabortion.info.)

A number of the speakers have contributed at NRLC national conventions, including Vincent Rue, Gregory Hasek, and Andrzej Winkler. And then there are the fascinating topics.

To mention just three, "Trauma and Abortion: When Men Hollow" (an allusion to T.S. Eliot's The Hollow Men); "Medicating the Pain of Lost Fatherhood"; and "Looking for Pain in All the Wrong Places."

Like many post-abortive women, many post-abortive men do not immediately recognize the moral and spiritual gravity of what they have been an accomplice to. Counselors tell us that as the realization gradually unfolds, many men react with rage, which has to be channeled, and a gut-wrenching sorrow so overwhelming it can emotionally paralyze a man forever, if not healed.

Consider this, which is virtually never a part of the abortion discussion. The men who are scarred by abortion are not just boyfriends and husbands. They are also brothers, grandfathers, and uncles.

There are many explanations for why people, beginning with the mothers, do not talk about their abortions. But one reason not commonly mentioned is that the parties involved intuitively understand that the death of a granddaughter or a niece can be utterly devastating to other family members.

To tell these family members that the decision to put this child to death is "none of their business" is both patently untrue and cruel beyond words.

Please send your comments to Dave Andrusko at daveandrusko@hotmail.com.