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The measure of love is to
love without measure Part One of Three Editor's note. The Respect Life Program begins anew each year on Respect Life Sunday, the first Sunday in October. The USCCB Secretariat for Pro-Life Activities publishes a program package each year to call attention to numerous human life issues. The following 2010 Respect Life flyer talks about three families facing common dilemmas – an unexpected pregnancy, a parent suffering from cognitive impairment, and an unborn baby diagnosed with a disability.
Courtney's pregnancy test was positive, and she had a problem. She was in the middle of her sophomore year of college and barely knew the guy. He made it clear he felt no responsibility for her or "her mistake," but he offered to pay half the cost of an abortion. Courtney could just imagine how her parents would react. An abortion would be so easy, and no one would have to know. Except Courtney knew she was carrying a baby: she was already a mother to a little human being with a little beating heart. She tried not to panic while weighing her options. Annette and her husband Carl were facing a tough decision about care for his dad, Stanley. After falling at home, Stanley slipped into a "persistent vegetative state." Although he wasn't conscious of his surroundings, he was in stable health and could be expected to live for years, provided he received adequate food and water and was kept clean and comfortable. Annette and Carl visited him often, helping feed him by spoon, but at their last visit, the doctor told them that Stanley was not getting enough nourishment by mouth and they would have to make a choice. The nursing home could provide food and fluids by tube, or they could sedate him so he would die from lack of food and water. The doctor told them to think about it. Of course they loved Stanley, but this seemed like a loving solution--to free him from his "diminished" life and free themselves as well. Barbara and Jack had three rambunctious boys and were finally expecting a girl. But their elation was short-lived: a second-trimester ultrasound revealed that their little girl had Trisomy 13, a genetic abnormality affecting 1 in 5,000 children. The doctor explained that only about 1 in 5 babies born with Trisomy 13 survive past their first birthday. They were devastated. How would they fit a special-needs baby into their already hectic lives? Wouldn't it be better to induce labor right away, knowing the baby would probably pass away within minutes after birth and they could put this sorrow behind them? There are no easy answers to challenges like these that families face every day. No easy answers--but there are clear answers, and we know deep down which answers are right and which are wrong. Without trying to minimize the enormous sacrifices facing each of these families, the question comes down to this: Is it morally permissible to have a member of our family killed to avoid the tremendous personal sacrifice his or her care requires of us? The answer should be obvious: no. Every human being, at every stage and condition, is willed and loved by God. For this reason, every human life is sacred. To deprive someone of life is a grave wrong and a grave dishonor to God. Because we are created in the image of God, who is Love, our identity and our vocation is to love. Pope Benedict has called this "the key to [our] entire existence." [1] We do not begin life as free and autonomous individuals. We are entirely dependent on others for our very existence. We are born into families--the "schools of love" where, over time, we learn to forgo the immediate satisfaction of every self-centered desire and we find true, lasting joy in bringing good and happiness to others. Our nature vehemently resists the idea of giving up our time, money, sleep, or plans for the sake of others--until we mature enough to allow love to transform us. Of course, top athletes sacrifice the everyday pleasures of life, following strict dietary and training regimens for years, in order to excel, sometimes simply for esteem, fame, or money. Exhausting ourselves caring for a disabled child or a dying parent will not earn us fame or money, but it will bring us closer to our ultimate goal--heaven and the everlasting joy of living in God's love. The catch is that we will not be fit for heaven until we have learned to love one another as God loves us, as he radically demonstrated on the Cross. If we don't learn to love sacrificially, we may not only fail in reaching heaven, we will make life on earth hellish for ourselves and others. If "we succeed in pushing away everyone who is dependent, then we're left with ourselves, our ego-centric, sin-rationalizing, defensive, irritable and vain selves. If we never learn to give till it hurts, till the painful reality that we're not the center of the universe sinks in, we will fail at marriage, at parenthood, at citizenship, even at simple neighborliness. Our community will become a marketplace of the physically strong, but morally weak." [2] What became of Courtney's baby, Carl's dad, and Barbara and Jack's little girl? A pregnancy center counselor helped Courtney break the news to her parents. They fully supported her decision to make an adoption plan so her baby could be raised in a loving two-parent family. In the latter months of pregnancy, Courtney really grew to love her son, and it was painful to let him go. But she knew her choice would give him the best start in life, and she has never regretted the decision. Carl and Annette instructed the doctor to begin feeding Stanley through artificial nutrition and hydration. They continued to visit the nursing home almost daily to ensure that he was getting the best care. Stanley died two years later of natural causes. Their selfless devotion touched the hearts of nursing home staff and inspired other families to follow their example. Barbara, Jack, and the boys cherished every moment they had with Joy. In the brief 15 months between her birth and death, the family was transformed. Together they shared the burden of caring for Joy and the sorrow of losing her. She taught them to appreciate each other and to be truly thankful for all the gifts and graces God brings into our lives. How we care for an unexpected child, a parent suffering from cognitive impairment, or an infant with a disability does not reflect the degree of their humanity, but our own. We are as dependent on them as they are on us. There can be no compromise with the standard Jesus set and continually calls us to: The measure of love is to love without measure!
Part Two -- About those "Idiot Boards" |
They
discover that their lives and happiness depend just as much on
how they care for family members in need, as the lives of their
vulnerable loved ones depend on them.