July 15, 2010

By Olivia L Gans, Director of American Victims of Abortion

The workshops prepared by American Victims of Abortion for the NRLC convention in Pittsburgh continued the recent pattern of more deeply exploring the impacts of abortion not only on mother and child but also the larger family. But one of the workshops at NRLC 2010 marked a first for all of us.

Bill and Rachel Benda, Greg Hasek, Karen Cross, Betty Fralich, and Olivia Gans addressing the 2010 NRLC Convention about the Effect of Abortion on the Family.

A mother that had actually helped to bring her daughter for an abortion spoke to and about her daughter. This moving testimony was remarkable on so many levels. Not the least of which was that the mother and daughter in question were Mrs. Betty Fralich and her daughter, NRLC political director, Karen Cross.

Many people in the pro-life movement are aware that Karen has shared her own story with audiences across the U.S.A. and in Europe as well! Never before at an NRLC event had pro-lifers heard from a parent that had actually arranged for their daughter to have an abortion. The sad reality is that there are many families in America today that have traveled the road that Betty and Karen traveled, thinking that it was the right thing to do!

Very few people were aware, however, of the silent, behind the scenes support that Karen had from her own mom, in spite of her own deep struggles with the decision she'd made for her daughter so many years ago. Karen had told me a year ago that her mom, Betty, was at last ready to share her part of their story.

Not an easy task, not when you remember that Karen may not have had her first abortion at seventeen had it not been for her mom's involvement. Over the course of the last thirty years, as Karen had moved through her own healing journey, Betty had watched in sadness as her daughter revealed more and more of the pain and regret about the abortion and the death of Betty's first grandchild.

Karen explained to the workshop attendees that she had suffered for years with nightmares and negative behavior all brought on by that abortion when she was only seventeen. Her mother had never known how deeply Karen was struggling with the memories of the child that she had encouraged Karen to abort.

Gradually, as Karen healed so did her relationship with her Mom. As Betty learned more and more about how horribly negative the experience of that abortion had been on Karen, her heart grieved for what she had done.

Now after many years of prayer and observation Betty wanted to speak out to other parents and tell them that what she had done was the wrong way to handle her teen daughter's pregnancy, that her decision cost the life of her first grandchild.

In a truly breakthrough moment Betty explained that she had been truly afraid to come to the convention and tell others what she had done. Just how would pro-life people react to meeting a real life mom who took her daughter to get an abortion? She even confessed that after all these years she was still concerned that people in the leadership in the movement would be harsh to her.

Despite her gentle smile and her loving daughter Karen looking up at her, anyone one could understand her anxiety. This was a big deal!

Far too many parents have found themselves since 1973 presented with the option of abortion when confronted with a teen's pregnancy. Sadly enough of them, thinking as Betty did, that this was a "reasonable solution" to the "problem" have brought their young daughters to abortion clinics and participated in a grandchild's death.

Betty recounted her own thoughts when she described how she thought this would help keep her beautiful and bright daughter, in school, allow her to graduate from school, and go on with her life--or so she thought. As Betty put it, "We had a 'problem. Let's fix it and get on with 'our' lives! [Like a toothache] Go to the dentist, he'll fix it and we'll be all better!"

The abortion itself set in motion a course of events, including a second abortion, that nearly destroyed Karen's life. How could Betty have known that?

When Karen started to "open like a rose bud" as Betty called it telling her stories to strangers at pro-life events and churches, Betty was devastated!

"Oh no! Not again- I thought all this was over with years ago!," Betty told the audience. "Now she's dragging it back into the open. What will people think of me? I was the one who took her by the hand to the clinic! How can she do this to 'me' again!?"

Betty shared that she was totally unaware in those early days of just how much sadness and pain Karen was feeling. Yet as she said, she was only concerned about how it would affect her! It would take time for Betty to see what had really happened to both of them.

Although she tried to avoid seeing or hearing anything that Karen was talking about at churches, schools, and on TV and radio, one late night while alone in her home, Betty saw Karen on a Christian talk show. This time she watched.

As last she saw the truth! All of Karen's pain her nightmares, drug and alcohol abuse, and suicidal feelings were laid bare for her Mom to comprehend.

"How could I have been so pre-occupied in my own [thoughts] not to have seen her heartbreak?" Betty said. The stored up dam of tears broke that night and Betty sobbed, mourning the loss of her grandchildren.

As Betty told the workshop, "What I had done to my daughter was not fine- the past isn't just that--gone and forgotten. Our actions do create consequences that we need to deal with."

Betty reached out to her daughter and sought her forgive ness. Together they turned to their faith to find solace and healing. Betty found, as so many have after abortion, that there is peace and forgiveness available. Betty found it within her church and has now begun to find it from her fellow pro-lifers! Betty and Karen have now forgiven each other and once again share the precious bond of mother and daughter.

Betty and Karen both hope that by sharing their story in its fullness that other parents will be spared the tragedy that they lived through. They want other parents to know that (as Betty said), "you can have that baby, you can both escape the dreadful consequences of the death of that precious baby."

It was highly unusual to see four generations of one family present in a post abortion workshop, but that was what we had this year. Karen, her mom, two of Karen's surviving children and her first grandson were all together at this convention, all of them taking the healing journey together. Gradually each of them is moving forward from the sadness caused by abortion in their family.

Shortly before the convention Karen (herself now a grandmother), and her mother discussed a sad and sobering thought. How many members of her family are actually gone forever because of the two abortions she had? There is no way to ever know just how many other grandchildren and great-grandchildren were lost forever because of just one child's death. Abortion is always a death in the family.

Please send all of your comments to daveandrusko@gmail.com. If you like, join those who are now following me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/daveha.

Part One