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Reflections on the Death of a
Friend By Dave
Andrusko
Editor's note. Please send
your comments to
daveandrusko@gmail.com. They are much
appreciated!
There is a website titled,
"You already know this stuff," which promises
that if you read it you will "get fresh
perspective on stuff you already know that will
help you" [fill in the blank]. When you realize
it's the all-too-familiar "read this and you
will get ahead in business" gambit, you "already
know" the hype will likely far surpass the
payoff.
But the basic idea also
applies to more important "stuff" than getting
ahead in commerce and with more enduring impact.
There are important truths that I already "know"
but which I will receive an (often unwelcomed)
refresher course in. Just such a reminder come
crashing down on me last night.
I was driving on my way to a
committee meeting when my pastor called on my
cell. He told me that hours before, while on a
family vacation, the most beloved and respected
man in our church had been struck by lightening
and killed. For about 30 seconds I was
speechless.
As chairman of the church
committee it fell to me to tell people, one by
one, of his death. Stunned would be so obvious
as to be almost trite, saddened a ridiculous
understatement, shocked to tears only an
approximation of how the passing of a man seen
as an indestructible pillar of our congregation
had affected us.
I write of this for many
reasons, beginning as a tribute to the kind of
people who, like Matt, really are the salt of
the earth. These are the men and women without
whose volunteer contributions so much of what
makes life rich would be lost. People like you,
for example.
I also write about his death
because I remembered how moved I was each time
Matt or his wife softly spoke of the loss of
their first baby to a miscarriage. They really
understand in a powerful way how fragile life
is, how real that baby was, and how much a part
of a family a child can become without ever
having been born.
This is just an opinion, but I
believe couples that have miscarried are more in
touch with a part of this debate over abortion
than those who haven't. And that is in no small
measure because of the impact of a lost child on
siblings.
Many is the time friends (or
friends of friends) had told me of how their
oldest child responded when he or she learned
that their mother had unsuccessfully carried a
baby prior to their birth. Such as, "You mean I
had a brother?" or "I'm not the first?"
Finally, I write about my
friend both because that is an essential part of
how I deal with grief and because his unexpected
death reminds me of something I "already
know"--that we are not promised even one more
day. That is why, I suppose, it seems as if
almost everything that happens in my life
somehow works its way into what I write about
the fight we wager.
Like you, I know I don't have
forever. Like you, so much of my life is a
real-time reminder that life is fragile and
fleeting. Like you, these realities spur me to
work even harder to bring about the day when
unborn babies need not worry if they will see
the light of day. |