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"Me help! Me help!'"
By Dave Andrusko
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Amy
Julia Becker |
I had coffee this morning with
someone who, through the experience of a shared tragedy, has
become a good friend. A woman of deep faith she spoke briefly
but poignantly of how she'd wrestled with infertility. In her
youth this had led her, not unexpectedly, to ask of God the
"why?" question.
I mention that because almost the
first thing I saw today in my electronic inbox was a story
forwarded to me that appeared in yesterday's New York Times.
"Deciding Not to Screen for Down Syndrome' was a guest column
appearing in the Times' "Motherlode: Adventures in Parenting"
section.
As the column's editor, Lisa
Belkin, explains, "Amy Julia Becker is expecting her third child
in January. She is 32 years old, and her age, plus the fact that
her first child was born with Down syndrome, magnifies her odds
of a chromosomal abnormality in this pregnancy, leading her
doctors to suggest prenatal testing. In spite of the odds -- or
perhaps because of them -- and her husband have declined the
tests. In a guest post today, she explains why."
I want you read to Mrs. Becker's
deeply moving and illuminating column found at
http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/09/14/deciding-not-to-screen-for-down-syndrome/?pagemode=print,
so I will make just a few cursory but hopefully helpful
comments.
She reminds us that new tests are
far more accurate in pinpointing whether an unborn child has
Down syndrome. But as the mother of Penny, a child with Downs,
when Mrs. Becker went in to her doctor's office she tells us her
dread "didn't come from the thought that this new baby might
have an extra chromosome. My dread arose from the prospect of
talking to a doctor about prenatal testing. The American
Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recommends prenatal
screening for Down syndrome for all pregnant women, regardless
of age." She knows, as we know, that such a diagnosis is a death
knell for 85% to 90% of these children.
Her post grabs your mind for many
reasons but perhaps most because she brilliantly intersects the
habitual negativity of so many physicians and the blessings of
being the parent of child with Downs.
For instance, Mrs. Becker quotes
a medical-school professor at the University of North Carolina.
He told his class, ''In my opinion, the moral thing for older
women to do is to have amniocentesis, as soon during pregnancy
as is safe for the fetus, test whether placental cells have a
third chromosome 21, and abort the fetus if it does.''
Against that recommendation for
death, Mrs. Becker responds with faith, hope, and most of all
evidence of charity/love--from Penny.
"The data told us that learning
would be harder for her than for a typically developing child.
It is, and yet she is able to write all the letters of the
alphabet and tell stories and make up songs. And no list of
developmental problems told us that empathy would be easier for
her, that her eyes would well with tears and she would run to
console her little brother when he falls and cries, that even as
a 2-year-old she would see a picture of a wounded man and say:
'Me help! Me help!'"
Can't top that. Please go to
http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/09/14/deciding-not-to-screen-for-down-syndrome/?pagemode=print.
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